Shattered
by Maripics
Summary: The attacks on 9/11 took countless lives, and Johanna Beckett and Martha Rodgers were between the victims. Kate is on her own personal war against terrorism. Will their children overcome their losses, or drown in their sorrows?


**Author's Note: Hi! I've wanted to write something like this for a while, and I got the perfect opportunity to do so recently. In this story, Johanna Beckett wasn't stabbed in an alley, but was working in one of the twin towers during the 9/11 attacks. So was Martha Rodgers. **

**Ps. The events that took place in this story are, by no means, the actual facts. However, if you do feel like I wrote something wrong, please do let me know, and I'll fix it right away. Enjoy! **

Chapter One: Walls

September 11, 2002

The whole world seemed cold on that day. The warm sun that peeked from behind Kate's curtains did no good. There she was, lying on her bed, staring fixedly at the ceiling. It had been a yea. A year since she lost her mother, a year since she'd joined the FBI, a year since she started her own war against terrorism. A year, since her world collapsed. So she just lay there, shattered. Dry tears adorned her cheeks, and her pale skin gave away her current state of mind.

"_Kate, get over here!" Madison yelled, as Kate walked through one of the college's hallways. The petite blonde girl was her best friend and roommate, and was sitting in one of the couches in the media room. _

"_I'm a bit busy, Maddie." Kate said, poking her head inside the room. Dozens of students were piled on the couches, armchairs, and even on the floor, staring at the screen. A young girl was sitting in a corner, astonished, squeezing her cellphone. Some of the students were crying, some comforting those who were crying, and some were just completely shocked. "What's going on?" Kate asked, entering the room. _

"_You don't know?" Madison asked, motioning to Kate to come closer. _

"_I was in class since seven. What is this?" Kate asked, sitting next to Madison. _

"_Two planes crashed the twin towers just a few minutes ago." Madison answered. _

_Suddenly, Kate couldn't form words. She couldn't think, she couldn't even hear what Madison was saying. Did she just hear that? Oh god, how she hoped not. _

"_Kate? Kate, what's wrong?" Madison asked, shaking Kate subtly. "Kate!"_

"_I need to call my dad." Kate said, her eyes fixated at the screen. _

"_Oh god, Kate." Madison said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. _

_But Kate didn't move. She didn't pull her phone out of her bag, and she didn't get up from the couch. She was just as in shock as the girl sitting on the corner, or the football player against the wall, who seemingly didn't realize he was crying. She was in complete and utter shock. _

_Kate's phone rang not five minutes later, but she didn't get it. She couldn't. _

"_Kate, your phone." Madison said. The girl hadn't moved either, and her hand was still placed on Kate's shoulder. "Kate?" Madison called, before deciding to answer the phone herself. "Hi." She said. _

"_Hello, I need to speak to Kate." Jim said, and Madison could hear the desperation in his voice. She silently asked that everything was okay. She had no idea of what Kate's parents worked with, and didn't know if they worked in the World Trade Center. She didn't even think of it. She just watched the towers fall, without giving it a second thought. She wasn't a New Yorker – Madison was from Chicago, and knew she had no family there. But she didn't consider her friend's life, and the fact that she was born and raised in the town. _

"_Mr. Beckett, this is Madison." She said, in a whisper._

"_Madison, may I speak to Kate?" Jim asked._

"_I… I think she's in shock." Madison cried. She couldn't hold back the tears "I can't get her to move."_

"_Madison, I need you to do me a favor." Jim asked, sounding as collected as one could manage in such situation. _

"_Anything." Madison said._

"_I need you to get Kate back to your dorm, okay? I'm on my way." Jim said, and hung up the phone._

_Madison managed to get Kate off the couch and walk her to the dorm, but Kate still didn't say a word. She barely moved at all, she just walked mindlessly beside Madison. They got inside the dorm and Madison made Kate sit on the bed, and sat next to her. She ran a hand through Kate's long silky hair, and sighed. There were just two months left until graduation day, and she was worried. She had no idea of how Kate would handle it, or if she would even finish school. Judging by her current state, Madison really had no reason to think she would. _

"_Madison?" A man called, knocking on their dorm door. _

"_Just a second!" she yelled, and went on to open the door. "Mr. Beckett, Kate is…"_

"_Katie!" Jim shouted, and ran to hug her. His eyes were red and puffy, and his hair was messy. His clothes had ashes on them, and his shoes were ragged. _

"_Daddy!" Kate called, and buried her head on his chest. "I thought you died!" She shouted. "I thought I lost you." _

"_No, Katie, I'm here." Jim said, ruffling her hair. He didn't know if he had the heart to tell her what he needed to tell her. His baby girl was crying in his arms, relieved that her dad was alive, but she didn't know what he came to tell her. She didn't know. "Katie, I need to tell you something." _

"_What's wrong?" Kate asked, drying her tears. _

"_I… When the planes hit the towers, I had left to get some papers. Your mom…" Jim said, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. _

"_No…" Kate said. "No!" _

"_Katie!" Jim yelled. _

_Kate sat on the floor, her back against the wall "No…" her mom was gone. Her best friend, the one who taught her everything, was dead. Her safe spot, her mommy, was gone. _

The ring of Kate's cellphone took her away from her thoughts, and she slowly stretched her arm to pick it up.

"Beckett," she said.

"Beckett, this is Johnson." a male voice said, and she could hear computer noises from the background.

"It's my day off, Johnson." Kate said, keeping her voice straight.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Stark wants to see you, today. In an hour."

"Hm, fine. I'll be there in a few." Kate said, even though she didn't know where she'd find the strength to get off her bed. A year, that was a milestone, and every day was a struggle. But on the anniversary of her mother's death, she really didn't feel like going to work. She loved the FBI, she really did, but she'd been in training for almost a year, and it was hard. But she wanted to fight terrorism, and she would avenge her mother's death. Today, or a year from now, she would.

…

"Beckett." Johnson said, just as Kate entered the recluse office "Stark is waiting for you."

Kate walked towards her boss' office, looking down the entire time. She hoped he was quick, she hoped to god he was, because she wasn't sure of how long she would be able to handle. Her entire body felt weak, and she knew the bags under her eyes were beyond evident. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, and she felt pain in every inch of her body. But it was her job, and they needed her there, and that's what was on her mind as she knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Alexander Stark yelled. He was a tall, middle aged man, with dark green eyes and a thousand dollar smile. He could be easily mistaken for an actor, or an older model.

"Johnson said you wanted to see me." Kate said, walking towards Stark's desk.

"Yes." Stark said, placing some papers down on the table "I won't keep you long, Beckett." Stark said "Sit, please." He said, motioning to a chair on the other side of the table "I got the files from the last few months of your trial." He said "It's not usual for us to do this, but I think you're ready."

"Ready for…"

"Becoming an agent." Stark said "We had an opening in our Law program. I want you to do this, Kate."

"I… I am honored, but…"

"You want to fight terrorism." Stark said "I know. And I understand. But once you're in, it's much easier to switch branches. If we have an opening, it's yours Kate, but for now, I'd like you to take this opportunity. It's not usual for us to take such young people, but I trust you. We want you on this."

"I… Okay. I'll do it." Kate said. It really wasn't what she signed up for, but it was great nonetheless. Plus, Stark was right. Once you're inside, all you have to do is be good, and the options are endless. She could do this. The law branch wasn't so bad.

"Really? Well, I'm going to need you to see this guy:" Stark said, and handed Kate a small card, which read Dr. Carter Burke, Psychiatrist.

"What is this?" she said, reading the small card.

"Standard procedure. This guy needs to clear you up before you can start. If you go today, you can start on Monday."  
"Oh. That soon, huh?"

"Yeah. Kate, the sooner the better. Dr. Burke is here right now, and if you could see him right now, that would be great."

"Right now? But I'm not…"

"He's a very busy man, Kate."

"Fine. I'll see him."

"Great." Stark said, pushing a button on his table "Gail, get Dr. Burke here."

Dr. Carter Burke entered the room not two minutes later. He was a tall, dark-skinned man, and sat across Kate on the table. He and Stark said their hellos, and Stark left the room.

"Hello, Kate. I'm Dr. Burke." He said, offering Kate a hand. What a shitty day to see a therapist.

"Hi." She said, avoiding further eye contact. She knew therapists. She knew that if he looked at her too closely, he'd know that something was wrong.

"So, tell me a little more about yourself. I see you're only 23. That's young for the FBI, no?"

"Yes. I managed to get in a little early."

"I see you were pre-law at Columbia. My alma mater. Roar Lion Roar, huh?"

"Yeah. Go Lions!" Kate said, throwing her fist in the air without any animation whatsoever.

"Tell me something." Dr. Burke said "Do you have a good relationship with your family?"

Kate couldn't help but curse silently. How was it possible that this day, already doomed to be the worst of her year, kept getting worse?

"We used to be."

"But not anymore?"

"Not really. I lost my mother a year ago, and my dad took it pretty hard. Started hitting the bottle. All family I have left is my grandmother, who lives in Maine."

"A year ago?"

"Yeah. A year ago today."

"Oh. I see. I'm sorry to hear." He said, and gave Kate a sympathetic smile. "Was she in one of the towers?"

"Yes. My dad survived out of luck. Went out to get some papers just before the planes hit."

"And you said he's not doing so well?"

"He's an alcoholic. And not a recovering one."

"And your grandmother?"

"She's elderly. Almost seventy-five. She was my mom's mom, and still didn't get over it. I mean, how could she? She buried her own daughter." Kate said, just as tears started forming in the corner of her eyes.

"Did you ever go to a 9/11 support group?"

"No. I don't like those kinds of things."

"Well, maybe you should give it a try." Dr. Burke said, and passed her a small piece of paper with an address written on it "It's a professional recommendation. There's one happening tonight. Not very far. You should go."

"I don't think…"

"Kate. You want this job or not?"

"I do." Kate said, astonished. Was the psychiatrist really threatening her? It was either a stupid support group or her job?

"Then you'll go. I won't clear you up until you do so. The lead is my friend, so I'll know." Dr. Burke said "This will be good for you."

…

Kate tightened her scarf as she crossed the street towards St. Paul's church, where the 9/11 support group meeting would be held. She hated that she had to go, she really did, and the eight o'clock time didn't help. The city was dark, cold, and the last thing she wanted to do was sit in a room with a bunch of strangers and talk about her problems. But she wanted that job, and if this was what she had to do to get it, then so be it.

The room held a group of about ten people, all sitting in their chairs sipping on cups of coffee. Kate sat next to a handsome, dark-haired man, whom she could swear she'd seen before, but couldn't quite remember where.

"Hi." She said, setting her bag on the floor and taking her scarf off.

"Hey." He said, and gave her a sad smile.

"Hello, group." A young man said, entering the room. "My name is Patrick, and I'll lead this group today." He said, and a chorused 'hi Patrick' followed. "Is there anyone who would like to start?" He asked, taking a seat next to a girl who seemed no older than sixteen.

"I would." An elderly woman said "Hi, I'm Monica." She said "I lost my husband and son on 9/11. They were delivering food in the first tower." She continued, and seemed to make a great deal of effort to hold back her tears "My husband, George, owned a pizza place. He was teaching Oliver the ways of the job, so he could retire." Monica said "He wanted to be home, for a change. He wanted to be with me, with our grandchildren. He didn't get to meet Oliver's daughter, and neither did he. Rosie was born exactly a week after her father and grandfather died."

"I am so sorry, Monica. Thank you for sharing." Patrick said "Who wants to go next?"

"I do." The man sitting next to Kate said "Hello, I'm Richard Castle." He said, and Kate suddenly remembered where she saw him before. She loved his book, and was anxious for the next one to come out. "I lost my mother on 9/11."

_Rick walked out of his office to look for his copy of "The Glass Key". Mother must've taken it, he thought, as he walked towards her bedroom to look for it. He hated when she did that, he really did, taking his books off their places and not putting them back. Hell, she could really be a pain in the ass sometimes. He entered her bedroom, and carefully searched her desk for the book. He didn't find it, but when the phone rang, he was hoping it was Martha calling, so that he could ask her where it was. _

"_Hello." He said._

"_Mr. Castle?"_

"_This is he." Rick answered. _

"_This is Geoffrey Styles, I was your mother's assistant." _ _Rick couldn't help but wonder why he was using past tense. _

"_Mm, hello. What can I do to help you?"_

"_Mr. Castle, I am so sorry I have to be the one to tell you this. You mother… she went to visit a friend today."_

"_Yes, I know. Harry Cavendish. What are you sorry for?" Rick asked, and he could feel the panic installing all over his body. _

"_Mr. Cavendish worked at the World Trade Center. Your mother went to visit him at work. Mr. Castle, I am so sorry." _

_Rick dropped the phone, and fell to the ground. No. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. _

"_Mr. Castle? Mr. Castle?" Geoffrey called, from the other side of the line. _

_Half an hour later, Rick was still sitting on the ground, staring at the ceiling. He heard the front door open, but didn't move. He wasn't himself. He wasn't thinking. He wasn't crying. He was in shock. _

"_Daddy? Daddy, what are you doing on the floor?" Alexis asked, plopping down next to him. "Did you see those big towers that fell today? So big!" she said. Lillian, the nanny, was staring at Rick, wondering what she should do. _

_Rick pulled Alexis to his lap, and hugged her. Tears started flowing freely through his cheeks, and he wondered how the hell he'd explain this to his five year old daughter. She was so young, so innocent. She didn't deserve to have her grandmother taken away from her like that. And neither did him. He needed his mom, too. He was Rick Castle, best-selling novelist, friend, father, but he was her son beforehand. And he didn't know how he'd go on without her. _

"And to this day, I've never done something so hard as telling my daughter that her grandmother was dead. Alexis looked up to her. I looked up to her. I don't know…" Rick said, as tears rolled down his cheeks "what we've done to deserve this."

Kate fought an urge to comfort him. She didn't know why, but he seemed so fragile, so broken. She just wanted to hold him, and tell him everything was going to be okay.

"It's not your fault, Mr. Castle. It's not anybody's fault but the terrorists." Patrick said.

"Tell that to my six year old." Rick said "Every night, she asks me why they took her Grams away. Was it because she didn't eat all of her dinner? Or because she didn't like ballet?" Rick said, his voice breaking "I don't know how to make her feel less guilty."

"I'm so sorry about your loss." Kate said, and placed her hand over his. She gave it a light squeeze, and received one in return "I lost my mother too."

**Author's Note: So, whatcha think? Care to leave a review to let me know? Pretty please? **


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